Hello, and welcome! I’m so glad that you’ve decided to follow along. I feel that it’s important to give context of the inception of Soul Sense, and hope that you are better able to understand the direction I am taking by sharing my story.
I read somewhere recently, that for people over the age of 25, it takes a massive trauma such as a death, disease, failed marriage or loss of employment in order for transformational change to occur. I wish I could say it was different for me, however upon deeper reflection, you wouldn’t be reading this right now had my life not taken a drastic turn.
I’ll rewind a little bit to September of 2016. I was back teaching for the school year, and working 4 days a week to help “balance” the work/home/mom responsibilities. I was training with the intention of entering my first Olympic weightlifting competition and was in my peak of physical health. I was someone who always ate well and participated in sport and fitness with a passion. I was “managing” my mental health with a bit more awareness and using anti-anxiety medications to help with anxiety and prescription sleeping pills to help me actually sleep at night.
On September 24th, 2016 I was attending a friend’s wedding and started to have severe abdominal pain that intensified as the evening progressed. It became so painful that I had to leave and go to Emergency. It was a pain that I had had show up intermittently over the last 17 years, only this time it was more excruciating than it had ever been before.
I had experienced childbirth, and that had nothing on the amount of pain I was in at the time. I waited and went through several tests and about 4 hours later was dismissed with the findings that I was “fine”.
These were the findings after countless doctor appointments and specialist appointments, scans, diagnostic procedures, blood work, ultrasounds over the course of the next several months. By all accounts in the medical world I was “fine”, but in reality I was nowhere near fine.
I had gone from working, being a mom and in peak physical condition, to having lost 15 pounds in 2 months, having to take leave from work, sleeping 16+ hours a day, having excruciating abdominal pain 5-7 days a week, distorted greyish-yellow skin colour and extreme nausea and lethargy. I could barely look after myself, let alone my daughter, who was 5 years old at the time.
It wasn’t until the end of January, after paying out of pocket for an MRI did they find one of my ducts to my liver to be constricted. The consulting specialist left me with the findings saying that I would have to get significantly worse before they would consider putting in a stint to expand the duct as there is a great risk of developing pancreatitis, which can be fatal. I was left without a course of action, and waiting to get worse when my quality of life had diminished so much already, was no alternative for me. I had to get better for my family and I had to get better for myself.
I began to seek out alternative methods. My eyes were opened to energy and intuitive healings, other types of spiritual healing and I began taking a Yoga Teacher Certification Course. After I completed my YTT, I took a Meditation Training course followed by my Reiki Masters. After months of doing work to become more conscious and aware and look at myself at a soul level, I began to see improvements in my physical health. I was beginning to have increased energy levels. I had fewer days with painful attacks every week. My nausea wasn’t happening as frequently and I was able to put some weight back on and even had days where I had some normal colour in my skin. I was managing my symptoms of my illness through unconventional methods and even managed to get off of every prescription drug I had been taking.
It was the morning of Tuesday, August 15, 2017 when I got the call. My daughter was getting ready to head to Art Camp for the day. My phone rang and I *KNEW* it was the specialist calling to tell me I had malignant melanoma. He said “I’m really sorry. No one likes to hear the news that they have cancer, but your new doctor at the University will be getting in contact with you very soon.” I tried my best to control my reaction, as I had a set of little ears and big eyes listening and watching my every move. “Are you OK mom? What’s wrong?”. Kids are very perceptive you know. I don’t know what I said, but I know it was controlled and that I brushed it off that I was fine. I packed her up for the day, drove her to art camp, dropped her off, crawled back in the truck and began sobbing uncontrollably in the truck. How did I have cancer? I had already been dealing with one illness and trying to manage, how did I now have CANCER? I wasn’t able to reach my husband or my mom and I felt like the world was spinning out of control. I took some time and techniques I had learned to try and ground myself and reached out to some other trusted friends while I waited to hear back from my husband and mom. The next 6 weeks were somewhat of a blur, and I had some very trying moments and even trauma in the surgery itself, but I did my very best to live as mindfully as possible through that time. Had it happened a year earlier, I think it would have completely wrecked me. I used all of the tools I had learned and practiced to stay as present as I could and mindfully engage in each moment of every day. I could not control a single thing that was happening to me, except my reaction.
I share because I *KNOW* without a shadow of a doubt, that this work that I offer helps to heal at a soul level.
I sit here today managing my liver condition, thankfully cancer-free, living a life with as much mindfulness, authenticity, and integrity as I possibly can. For me, I had to experience the trauma to begin the transformational change within myself, my hope is that I can help you see that you don’t need to wait for trauma to enter your life to precipitate that change for yourself.
Much love, and thanks following along.
Xo,
Susanne
